Mac's POV
by mara-rabb
Summary: A short vignette on what Mac might do after Paraguay. COMPLETED - this isn't meant to be any more than 1 scene.


A/N: Just a short vignette from Mac's POV after the return from Paraguay. I need a little leeway here since I haven't seen ATW 1 or ATW 2. AFN is just beginning season 8. I'm figuring out what happens from website and other fanfics. I promise to get back on my first fanfic later this week, but this was running around in my head and it wouldn't go away until I put in on paper. Now I might as well post it. Please flame me gently. Oh - and I don't own them, won't make a cent on any of my writings, it's not worth anybody effort to try to sue me.

  
  
  


**God what have I done? He gave up everything to come after me. He left the only career he had ever wanted to save my life and what do I do? I kiss Clay, I bitch at Harm about his rescue methods. I push him so far away that he actually goes. I haven't seen him since he came into the JAG to clean out his office. He won't answer my calls... I don't know where he's working. Clay won't tell me anything. How can I apologize if I can't talk to him? I'm useless at work, I'm miserable at home. Nothing is ever going to be right again unless I can convince him that it was the stress and fear that made me act that way. I know it wasn't all my fault. He has this knight-in-shining-armor complex and anything that takes away from that is taken as a personal insult. But one of us has to make the first move. I can't lose him this way. I love him...**

  


**Here I am, parked outside his apartment. Trying to work up enough courage to actually get out of the car. I see him standing at the window - he has to see me but he isn't moving. Deep breath Mac. Get out of the car. Walk up to his door. Knock**

  


**No answer.** "Harm, please let me talk to you," I call through the door. **No answer.** "We can't leave it like this - Harm, please!" **No answer.** sigh. "Harm, I'm not leaving until you talk to me. I have a key on my keyring - I'm going to come in - please don't throw me out."

  


**I open the door and step into his apartment. He hasn't moved from his place in front of the window.**

  


"Harm..." **I can't take more than the first step. I am so afraid he's going to be angry, to insist that I leave. I scared that this is going to be the end to all of my dreams.**

  


"I think we've said enough to each other to last a lifetime. I think things were very clear when we parted at Andrews."

  


"They weren't to me. Harm, I'm sorry I was so nasty. I didn't mean what I said, I was scared. I was angry that we were caught, I ... I never thought you'd actually leave." I ended in a whisper trying desperately not to cry.

  


"I didn't have a choice remember? Maybe it's for the best. Maybe now I can get on with my life and get out of this... whatever it is that we have. It's not a relationship, it's a contest to see who get's to be in charge. Look," Harm sighed, "this isn't how I expected things to turn out either but I'm beginning to think it's what we needed. You and I have been chasing each other for seven years. All we've managed to do is to screw up each other's lives."

  


**He hasn't looked at me yet. I can't believe he's telling me this. Doesn't he realize that this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do? That I have dropped all of the barriers that have kept him out? I keep telling myself that I will NOT cry, but it doesn't seem to be working. I can feel the tears running down my face.**

  


"Is that really what you think?" **Now I'm really crying. No wonder he doesn't want to be with me. He's so strong and brave, and I'm weak and emotional. Oh, God, he's turning around.,,"

  


**Okay Mac, you've gotten this far. Suck it up marine and tell him how you feel. This might be your only chance so you have to get it right the first time.**

  


"Sarah,"

  


"No, Harm, wait." **DO IT** "I was unbelievably nasty to you. I am so sorry. I'd like to say it was the adrenaline, the fear, that I was in shock... All of those things are probably true. But that's not all of it. I was so scared that you were going to die, after the crash, even on the plane coming back, all I could see was that one day you were going to go off on some damned-fool-idealistic-crusade and I would have nothing." I choked. "Not even a god-damned flag." I tuned and headed for the door. **Your one chance and you still didn't get it right - leave now before he says something to hurt you more**

  


"Sarah," he says again. I have to look at him. **Maybe I did get it right. The look on his face is incredible pain, but he hadn't asked me to leave.** "I don't know how much more of this I can take."

  


**That was enough. He isn't through with me yet. Maybe I still have a chance with him.** My feet are moving and I launch myself across the room, almost knocking him down. I'm sobbing openly now and all he can do is hold me.

  


"What do you want from me?" he finally asks.

  


**I'm beating the marine down inside me. If she gets to answer this question it is all over...** "You." I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck. It doesn't take much to pull his head down to mine. He let's me kiss him like it's the end of the world. Maybe it is. Maybe this is a new world, or the beginning of one. I know this isn't the end of this discussion, but maybe for once, we are both on the same page, at the same time. 


End file.
